I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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