i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I puked a lego.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
