Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
