I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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