I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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