from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i dont even know how to be here
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
