My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
