I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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