i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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