he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
