Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
