Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize