I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
