There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
