all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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