just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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