literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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