I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
