I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
