You work out of a Hotel?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
