your parents love me but you hate me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
