is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
