He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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