Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
