Betty ford says i'm here all night
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize