i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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