Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Holy sore nipples Batman
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
