I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
