Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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