Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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