I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
