I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
