Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
