just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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