Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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