you guys were way drunker than both of me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
