I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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