If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Little spoons don't ask big questions
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
