My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
