I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
