You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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