awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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