apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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