Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I smell like Dick and happiness
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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