I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
