I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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