why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I touched a dick in church today
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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