he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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