haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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