dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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