K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
