I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
