I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Randomize
