Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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