so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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