Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
