the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
