Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize