I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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