why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
