PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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