people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
