Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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