can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
