I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
COCAINE IS GR8
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
