She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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