In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
