between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
