Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
