I love black thongs
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
