2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
