thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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