you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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