hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
