he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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