false alarm. still invincible.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
