she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
