I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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