Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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