So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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