nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
