I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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