so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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