my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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