you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
