I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
