I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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