i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
