My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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