ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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