You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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