Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
