It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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