Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
These tits shall not be calmed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
