it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
