You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize