he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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