everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize