Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
