dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
