nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
