im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
