people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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